CHRISTMAS REFLECTIONS - Joseph

As Christmas approaches I am drawn to reflect on the characters in the birth narrative of Jesus. I wonder what must the events of the Christmas story have been like for the ones who lived it. What would the shepherds have felt seeing the sky fully illuminated by an angelic choir. The wise men from the east, whose reading of the stars told them a king was born, would have had a fascinating story. Mary gets a lot of attention this time of year, for obvious reasons - she carried God in her womb. But, I start by wondering about Joseph, Jesus' step-father.

There is one verse in Matthew's edition of the events that stands out: chapter 1 verse 19. 

Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

Joseph was a righteous man but can you imagine committing to marry a woman who had become pregnant with a child that was not yours?! He was a man who was conscientious about his faith and about God but can you imagine marrying a woman who was known to be unfaithful? If Joseph had married her he would have been tacitly admitting his own guilt, because if you marry a pregnant woman it is not because she is carrying someone else's child, it is because she is carrying yours. 

Mary brought shame and dishonor to Joseph and ruin to his reputation. In the middle eastern world of the first century, adultery was grounds for the woman to be stoned to death; a husband could have his wife executed for this. We are not immune to being talked bad about, or shamed in front of friends. Think about the headlines we have seen in the past year about someone who sought out revenge for one reason or another. We are not so far removed from the feelings that Joseph would have felt, betrayed by the one he loves. We've been stabbed in the back, we've been blindsided by harsh news that came from someone we were supposed to be able to trust. We have probably thought about giving that person or group of people a taste of there own medicine. "They hurt me this way, let's see how they like it when..." fill in the rest. The full weight of the law could have led to the stoning death of Jesus’ mother Mary, at the very least a public divorce would have shamed Mary and her family and she likely would have never married. We could not fault Joseph for taking that route if he chose to do so.  

(Image Credit)

But Joseph was unwilling to expose her to the disgrace of public divorce, so he chose a quiet yet lawful way. I believe it is one of the reason's God chose Joseph to be a step-father to God the Son. Joseph finds a way to remain faithful to the rigidity of the law while expressing compassion towards Mary. I may have chosen to find some way to get back at the person who wronged me, who embarrassed me, who ruined my reputation - Joseph chooses to quietly divorce Mary and salvage her reputation. Ultimately he chooses to marry her, accepting the embarrassment and shame of a premarital pregnancy. He accepted the shame as his own even though he had nothing to do with it.

Can you imagine being a son, and hearing this story as you grow up? I seem to remember a story of a woman caught in the act of adultery, recorded in John's edition of the gospel. Jesus, just as his father, shows compassion and does not seek to embarrass her publicly. He stands with her in her shame and disgrace. Jesus looked beyond the circumstance to show a person is more than the sum of their choices, as did his father Joseph. 

Just a short time later Jesus would do it again... from a cross. The cross is where he remained faithful to the rigidity of the law while expressing compassion towards all humanity. He chose to accept the shame of death as a common criminal on charges that were not true to not just stand with us in our shame but to take our place. Jesus' journey to and sacrifice on the cross began with the courageous choice of a man named Joseph. A man who defied convention, who chose the harder road, and modeled compassion to a young wife and son who would go on to change world in the same way.

Just a meandering thought... 

PEOPLE

     Some words I would like to share with the people I met and came to know while in India. Some of them may never actually read these words but they need to be said:

     My friends from Orissa: You have endured so much already, may God give you the strength and courage to go back.

     To Don: your family may have turned their back on you and thrown you out, but you have a heavenly Father who will never leave you.

     To Sonam: I will continue to pray that things will work out for your father and the house the government kicked him out of.

     To Basant: Your English is not so good, but I have so much respect for what you feel God is calling you to do. Don’t hesitate.

     To Gerin: You never cease to crack me up. Your story was so moving, God healed you so that you can be an instrument of healing to the world.

     Mitendra: So sorry to hear about your parents, so glad you shared your story, God redeems every tragedy.

     T.S. Sam: Congratulations on you daughters marriage, thanks for letting me tag along.

     To Guunjen: I am sorry your family kicked you out of your home for becoming a Christian, I hope your new brothers and sisters in Seharampur can help to fill that hole.

     To Kajal: Thanks for teaching me some Hindi, you are a wonderful teacher.

     There are many others that I met who were aboslutely amazing people. There are many sad stories, and may inspiring ones too. Each name is a life and a series of stories. I have been privelaged to be a part of some of these stories halfway around the world. Several have said to me, "I will never forget you". That is one of the most humbling things anyone has ever said to me. To them I would respond by saying:

     "It has been an honor to be a part of your story..."

WEDDING

Well, one of the professors at the school I was staying at has a daughter. This daughter was getting married. This professor was teaching his classes like a good professor and looking after us Americans while he was planning and preparing for said wedding.

The tall guy in the middle with the white shirt is the happy groom, I am the slightly shorter guy on the left with the white shirt. The guy immediately to right of the groom in the light blue shirt is the father of the bride and the professor I talked with who gave me the official invitation.

He had a lot on his plate, not to mention whatever emotional stuff he must have been going through at the time as well. I was fortunate enough to have the timing of the wedding line up with the timing of my departure from Delhi, so I received an official invitation. I was officially invited to this Indian wedding.

This is the church where the wedding was held. It was built in the 1930's during a time when Muslims were in power in this area of Delhi so the building reflects the Muslim influenced architecture could be seen in many buildings constructed during that time.

I left the college where I had been living for almost six weeks at four in the morning. It had been my home away from home during that time. I was surprised, therefore, that when I left there were no tears of leaving. It’s not that I was glad to be leaving or anything, just that I was glad to be one step closer to my real home… my wife and son. On previous trips over the past ten years or so, I have had a chance to build strong bonds with the people I was working with. On this trip the people I was working with (the Americans) were already gone; and there were so many students, and so many classes I ended up teaching that I did not really get a chance to form bonds with any one group of kids… So leaving was not difficult.

It was so hot in the church that they actually had guys walking up and down the isles offering water to people sitting in the pews. I, being the smart American traveler who knows what to eat and drink and what not to chose to sit in my sweat without relief.

Anyways, this wedding was a Christian wedding, so it did not have all the trappings of Hindu tradition, otherwise the celebration would still be going on. Their ceremonies last a long time, and everything is pretty formal. There are usually four or five ministers present at the wedding, and each have a specific role in the service. For this wedding there were three sermons… yeah three. I arrived a little late because my ride got stuck in the Delhi traffic. After finding out what I missed I was sort of okay with being late.

The bride and groom just after they exchange vows. Thought the bride looked angelic in this shot.

Some parts of the wedding will be different depending on where in India you are from. I was fortunate that the father of the bride is a little progressive in his perspective on things as he was educated in America. So a service that in some places in India will be as long as five hours, was only two and some change. The reception was interesting in that the Bride and Groom sit on a platform and smile for hours as all (that word I just typed is not to be taken figuratively) All the guests line up and approach the platform with their wedding gift. Once on the platform they pose and smile for the photographer and then hug and walk off the platform. This process goes on for almost the entire duration of the reception.

The happy couple after the ceremony. I am pretty sure they are smiling because they are finally able to step outside where it is at least ten or fifteen degrees cooler. Also, their wedding ceremony is the most amount of time they have ever spent together.

The bride and groom hand out little favors to each guest and say thanks for coming, and the guests pose and smile… even me… yup, I had never met them before but I got my picture taken with them. (Top photo) One other unique thing about this couple that American’s would find appalling: this particular couple had met for one hour about month before they were married and that was it. That is right arraigned marriages are alive and well in India. This couple was fortunate to get an hour; most are much less, and some never meet beforehand.

FATHER

I am officially part of the club. I have celebrated my first holiday dedicated to me. I don't know the secret handshake (if there is one) but I am now a part of the club where all the members are Fathers. Yesterday was my first and it was my dad's thirty fourth... (yikes). Being a father is hard but good... I know that seems simple but Samuel just had a dirty diaper like you would not believe and that is hard but watching him smile at the simplest things is good.

That being said, life is not simple, neither is being a father. As I think about what it has been like so far here are some words that I think describe it:

Fun: I love taking Samuel outside and letting him feel the grass as he sits and tries to eat it. Or letting him feel the bark of a tree, or seeing the way he gets excited when the wind blows on his face. You should see the size of his smile when he is on the swings, it is so fun.

Asfoweinwtrehhr: Yes that is a word, I made it up. It is one of the many I have made up that Samuel seems to understand. I can tell because when I say it to him he looks right at me with a weird look on his face as if to tell me that I mispronounced it.

Tiring: Sometimes Samuel goes to bed early, sometimes late; sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night, sometimes very early in the morning. Samuel takes naps, but only when he is tired and he does not let us know when that will be ahead of time. He is only crawling now but somehow we still have to run after him. When we are done with the diaper changes, the feedings, the baths, the keeping him occupied with little chew toys that also make noise so that he does not start crying when he is hungry or tired, then we start with the regular stuff we have to do. It's tiring

Hard: My life is not my own any more. I thought that I lost autonomy when I got married, and I did, but whatever illusion I was under that I still had some fraction of my life to myself evaporated when Samuel came along. Reading email is a chore because Samuel is in the other room and he might be about to fall over. All of life's activities now orbit around his nap schedule and when they don't we hear about it.

Extra: It takes more of everything. It takes extra energy to last through the day. You need extra time to get out the door, an extra bag for Samuel who needs extra diapers and extra clothes. You need to prepare extra food for the extra mouth to feed. You always need extra money to pay for the extra food. When you finally go to bed you are extra tired and would like to get extra sleep, but Samuel gets up extra early...

Rewarding: ummmm... not yet, but from what the older fathers tell me that time will come. Right now it can sometimes feel like it is more work that it is worth, but somewhere down the road I know it will be worth all the work.

Oh and in case you did not catch it already that is F.A.T.H.E.R.

Just a Meandering Thought...